It's War!

 It’s War!

Tubsie Francois and Faggy Farage are waving Union Jacks in purple-faced anger over the latest French outrage. Their clarion call is for all Brave Brits to keep marching on the spot.  Collect pies, bangers and mash and show those garlic-eating, cheese-eating French fishermen that international waters and all that swim in them have been and always will be British. 

Our plucky gun boats are fully rigged and charged up ready to land at Calais to reclaim our rightful possessions, Normandy, Angevin, Aquitaine and Brittany.

If our brave fishermen, their trawler (Canadian owned and staffed by Pakistanis) and our happy British fish are not restored by the next full tide Captain Bullington-Broadside will row out in an Eton skiff and scuttle himself after giving the order to bomb Paris. 

As the Noble Lord Frostie said:

“What’s the point of a treaty we’ve agreed and signed!“

 

Cabinet News

 Cabinet News: 

Ministry of Effluence Announced

 

In response to 250 Tory MPs voting AGAINST a bill banning privatised Water Boards from discharging effluent into rivers, lakes and seas, Boris Bombulum Johnson PM has set up a 

Ministry of Effluence as a new facility (aka reredorter) in the House of Commons.  

Soft Close Gove as de facto Primum Flatium:

Meeting in the Small Room Soft Close Gove motioned that a sub-committee should comprise:

Low Flush Dorries

Thunderbox Patel

Khazi Kwarteng 

Cistern Coffey 

Krapps Shapps 

Long Drop Frost 

Velvet Bottom Rees-Bogg 

In Absentia:

Sir Basil Bazalgette (composted) 

Duke of Wellington (composted) 

Charles Wellesley (retired from Gardez de l’Eau)

Motion passed eventually.

Next meeting:

Inside Thames Water Treatment Facility’s septic tank and water bottling plant.

 

 

 

The B Team Wasters