Bunter's Day

Bunter’s No 10 Diary

 

0600: carrie attended to wilf I’m too knackered 

00700: carrie attended to wilf as I’ve spilt a cup of black coffee on her Diane Furstenburg rug (Jamie Dyson, Singapore) 

8000: carrie attended to wilf while I grab a kip on Roche Bobois sofa (Offshore Group Newcastle) 

0900: sneak upstairs for a quick snapchat on the Christy Jaipur throw while carrie feeds wilf

1000: take a call from Govey reminding me that it’s sodding PMQs at 1200. Cripes and bollocks still no more procurement deals

1030: flick through conde nast’s Traveller for hols (freebies natch) while Primrose our new maid from Bahamas pert bum phwhooaaar! makes omelette take a call from gnasher raab some bollocks about migrants although was mention of more procurement

1100: Tin house TV team make me up as engineer in hi-viz for quick photo op in number 10’s improvised ‘studio’ promoting northern powerhouse rail yikes

1145: limo picks me up for HoC while in limo talk to mackers about fishers quel ennui 

1200-1300: line drawn through that hour aaargh.  Captain Hindsight tries too hard but the razzers were back in full throat. Some oppo tosser called me Creasey’s’ baby.  

1330: lunch with Pauley Dacre at the savoy (on him natch) 

1500: cigars and brandy in the beaufort with Gordon R’s snacks (Michael ‘Copper’ Farmer pays) took a brief covid call avant le sorbet from Titty Whitty bang bang whew 

1530: limo back to number 10 yet another call from mackers cant he see I’m busy. 

1600:I shuffle a few papers from red box over a tankard or two of frasquiera (lea and sandeman) 

1630: afternoon tea delivered from Cliveden served delectably by Primrose (the svelte mud shark) while carrie attends wilf 

1730: videocall from Rishi talking silly numbers but suggests more procurement deals 

1800: play taped excerpt from Peppa Pig to wilf before nodding off 

1830: pre-theatre dinner at Claridges (thanks Jamie Reuben)

1945:  Almeida Theatre for performance of Macbeth (Pete Cruddas) forgot to bring mask

2245: limo to Number 10 crash out knackered with bottle of montrachet (lea and sandeman again) 

2330: carrie attends to wilf

2345: deep sleep dreaming of Primrose