SS Incompetent

SS Incompetent in troubling seas

The SS Incompetent, flags furled, was caught in a heavy swell.  The master slumped by his hand crafted Pierre Jenneret boco de lobo desk - a gift from the Potentate of Bagubma (ennobled) - idly twirled his caran d’ache pen, a gift from the Sultan of Jiggerat (ennobled).  Beside his desk on the Oxford Blue cuddlemuffin Porada Allison sofa (donated by Rubicon Incorporated) lounged Ms Azurriski smoking a black sobranie, sweetly disordered.   

A sudden starboard lurch slid the master and Ms Azurriski together across the stateroom, floored in African Blackwood supplied by the Ugo of Swataland) (ennobled).  While attempting to extricate himself from the tangle of desk, sofa and Ms A there was a firm knock on the door.   

"Quick, down the secret companionway to the lower deck, my poppet."  

"In a tick Carrie, my petal."

 

Before he could issue his practised ‘Come’, the door opened.  To his astonishment there before him stood a grim group.  They were colleagues, each one he secretly giggle-named, the PadShah of Topiary Thickets, the Nabob of Shiny Pates, the Nawab of Stabling & Buy to Let and the Maharani  of Backsheesh.

"Well," intoned the master, "I’ve done the kerfuffle, I mean reshuffle, so what do you want?"

"We’re not here about that, we're here to tell you that members of your cabinet have unanimously agreed to a mafia style offer that you can’t refuse."

"Whaaaat!"

"It’s like this, in particular, those whom you privately call The Gnasher, the Greaser and the Flue Brush have arranged for a cruise ship to draw up alongside.  It's full of wealthy Americans who are willing to pay big bucks to hear your stammering anecdotes, whiffle whaffle, Etonian tosh, quasi historical invented guff and mendacious flannel."

  

"Cripes wazza, are you serious?"

"Deadly. We all want you to be piped aboard that liner in full fig, instanta, statim, prontinus, extempulo. Or would you prefer it in Greek?"

The maharani, bluntly: "My dear Admiral, you’re goin' we’re stayin'"

"Bbbbuuuut, whooaaah!"

 

At that point Carrie A dressed flamboyantly in a san gallo valentino yachting ensemble (donated by VM Ltd) appeared arm in arm with two handsome young men.

 

"Come on Daddy let’s make loads of money and have fun."

"Whoooaaar crikey smazzo, yikes!" 

The master suddenly awoke in a cold sweat.  He opened the door of the imitation meneghini la cambusa refrigerator - supplied by the untendered medical electrical contractor (pending) and poured himself a very large brewdog.  

"Whew." he spluttered.

Then there came a firm knock on the door.